The Impact of Patriarchy on Your Sexuality
Patriarchy is a legacy of centuries of domination by men over men, then by men over women and people with vaginas, considered at the bottom of the ladder, doomed to be shaped according to the model conveyed and taught by men, voluntarily or not. The consequences are visible in all areas, even in sexual life between individuals, but also within a couple.
Patriarchy is not just a male preserve , and therefore it impacts the whole of society.
The repercussions of patriarchy on men directly impact women and non-binary people. The pressure put on men by society, whatever its source, encourages them to be "virile males", always according to a deeply patriarchal and archaic image of the powerful man, and to maintain this relationship of absolute superiority based on physical strength especially with women. This system extends into intimacy, where the man is the stronger sex facing the woman of the weaker sex. Non-binary people do not even exist in this paradigm.
For thousands of years, the social construction around male sexuality has been more based on impulses, an idea propagated according to a scientific determinism based on the higher testosterone levels of people with penises compared to those with vulvas, implying only a vision of sexuality based on penetrative sex, as if all male sexual impulses were driven by a primary need for reproduction. Thus, a man is powerful when he does not possess any trait attributed to women, whether it is fragility, feelings or weakness.
This image of a warrior conveyed for all this time has trivialized the power relations, rape, abuse, manipulation and control that men can have over women, like the image conveyed in a large majority of pornographic productions.
It is also the mirror of a male sexuality based on domination and performance and reflects at the same time the social pressure exerted by a masculinist vision of sexuality. They are then educated according to a patriarchal model of sexuality borrowed from pornography, which instills in them false sexual values, where the relationship is limited to penetrating the woman to relieve oneself.
Here are 6 ways patriarchy shapes our sex lives!
1. Patriarchy and its heteronormative thinking
This thinking consists of privileging sex when it is heterosexual and cisgender; anything that does not fit into these boxes being out of the norm, deviant, unhealthy. Still in many countries and cultures today, the simple fact of not being straight or a man is grounds for persecution. The result is an eclipse of non-binary sexuality and a form of injustice towards LGBTQIA+ people.
The high suicide attempts among trans people in the United States— 46% of trans men and 42% of trans women compared to the national average of 4.6% of suicide attempts—are a glaring example of the impact of heterosexual culture on public health.
Another example took place in Nebraska, where a reform of sex education programs sparked anger and outrage from opponents. While they were intended to better guide children in addressing topics related to sexual orientation and gender identity, the new programs were denounced as methods of preparing children for exploitation and sex trafficking, known as “grooming.”
2. Barriers between people with vaginas and health professionals
There is a form of sexual guilt on the part of health professionals who only advise, for example, to use more lubricant or to prolong foreplay to combat vaginal dryness, insinuating that the problem must necessarily come from a dysfunction of the woman's desire, before looking for a medical cause. The woman then comes to feel guilty about depriving her partner of penetrative sex.
Thus, many women do not dare to speak out about the disorders they encounter, particularly to health professionals because of the barriers erected between the medical system and women in terms of sexual health . As a result, beyond the disinterest, there is also a frequent under-diagnosis, and less funding dedicated to research into sexual health problems in them, since the conclusion fuels the cliché that female libido would be weaker (or accessory).
These discriminations are even more blatant when it comes to the intimate comfort of women and people with vaginas. Indeed, while libido disorders and sexual dysfunction are more common in women than in men ( 43% versus 31% ), the American Food and Drug Administration (FDA) offers no less than 24 treatments for men, but none for women suffering from deficiency or absence of desire for sexual activity (HSDD). Disorders on which women receive no education, guiding them towards silent suffering, either out of modesty or guilt.
3. When the female body and its functions are stigmatized
Religion has played a big role in the perception of the body, sexuality and the taboo that comes with it. Even today and in many countries around the world, people with vaginas do not have access to gynecological care before marriage, since they are not supposed to have sexual relations before that. These are also the rules that determine the passage to adulthood for these cultures: a young girl who is menstruating is old enough to marry, and therefore to have sexual relations.
However, the taboo of menstruation is still very much rooted in our society, although it mainly comes from religion, declaring people during their periods as impure and emotionally unstable. This last point also has an impact on professional life and the trust given to women. However, it is a natural biological phenomenon that varies from person to person, and which forces these people to hide it in their daily lives, as if it were a weakness, a shame that should be protected from. In many cultures, and even in modern society, sex during this period is neglected, because it is considered dirty, even though it is known that menstruating people experience a peak in libido during this cyclical episode.
This unfortunately does not prevent companies from playing on it, in particular by marketing hygiene products intended for women and people with vaginas, often harmful, so that they remain "clean". What is called "hygienic protection" protects women and those around them from the degrading aspect that menstruation can have. A sad observation that starts from the stigmatization of the body of women or people with vaginas, and which has a strong impact on the representation of these in society.
Whether it is marketing or social media, all contribute to a poor perception of the female body, whether by others or by those directly affected. For example, although several reports and studies have clearly demonstrated the negative impact on the mental health of young adolescents caused by the use of Instagram, including the weakening of self-esteem or, worse, eating disorders, Meta continues to promote content that is harmful to the mental health of young people while censoring companies that operate in the field of women's health, prohibiting them from promoting menstrual products because the company considers the subject to be "sexual"; we ourselves have been affected by this censorship imposed by Meta when it was content relating to menstrual health. This is the case for many other companies, such as those offering care for polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). What is sexual in the treatment of ovaries? Yet, this does not seem to pose any problem when it comes to displaying a naked, retouched body in low-cut lingerie.
Which image represents a violation of Meta's explicit content policy?
Sadly, it's not just social media, as the New York Metropolitan Police Department has refused to allow Unbound to advertise its sex toys on colorful, graphic posters that celebrate female sexuality without vulgarity. On the other hand, the city has not hesitated to accept advertising from another company that offers solutions to erectile dysfunction. Fortunately, the case has caused quite a stir, and the city has finally relented.
The Fetishization and Sexual Objectification of Female Bodies
While simple menstruation remains a taboo censored by society, the latter parallels the fetishization of the female body and its sexual objectification.
Popular culture undeniably influences our relationship with our own body, the way we treat or perceive it, which can often be distorted. Women are disproportionately affected by the negative influences of popular culture. What is asked of them today is to be everything and its opposite. Thus, the "modern woman" must be sexually free and attractive, comfortable in her body, while hiding what deconstructs the myth, namely periods, sexual pain or difficulty conceiving. More precisely, she must be the image of what men fetishize, whether it is waist size, chest, buttocks or even hair color. Women hardly exist beyond their physical appearance.
Objectification consists of separating women from their bodies, when the latter becomes nothing more than an object, a sexual desire through the gaze of others, that of society, but also one's own gaze. Which reduces women to their bodies, widely exploited for many sectors, ranging from advertising to pornography, including entertainment. Because sex sells, even if some companies try to play in both courts. For example, MSN.com published an article on the myths related to women's sexual and reproductive health , while allowing readers to find other articles in the aftermath that sexualize women. They are far from being the only ones to allow themselves this kind of aberrant contradiction without asking questions!
The sexualization of the female body is everywhere... even at the bottom of an article that denounces it!
In the 1960s, women experienced sexual liberation, in opposition to the conservative sexuality inherited from the Catholic Church, which advocates an exclusively heterosexual approach. But although opposed, these two visions are androcentric, because they do not question the relationship between men and women. Sexual liberation is ultimately not the liberation of women, but a way of saying that women are sexually available to men . One in 10 women admit to having been forced to have sexual intercourse, mainly with an intimate partner, compared to only one in 70 men.
5. The role of patriarchy on the rise of cosmetics
France is a world leader in the cosmetics industry, valued at more than 10 billion euros in this territory alone. And this sector mainly affects women who, beyond wanting to participate in their well-being, are pushed by society to make themselves desirable in all circumstances.
In order to stay young and attractive, women invest considerable time and money. Skin care, makeup, anti-aging, hairdressers, diets, hair removal… all this in order to please and attract mainly male partners.
To be desirable by society's standards, women are under pressure even in their private parts. Their vagina must be perfectly shaved, young, tight, and smell good. There are many supposedly miraculous treatments on the market, such as Yoni eggs, which are supposed to purify the uterus and release sexual energies. Some women go through vaginal rejuvenation under the pretext that their sex seems tired, especially after giving birth, while others risk their health on cosmetics created to perfume their vulva. The prices are exorbitant due to the pink tax and the products are largely dangerous. In the meantime, no attention is paid, for example, to pelvic health, especially in terms of pelvic floor rehabilitation, which is very expensive in the United States, for example, in addition to not being covered by insurance.
6. Sexual charge and guilt
If the concept of mental load no longer escapes anyone, it is about understanding that there is also a load to bear within intimacy, called sexual load . And it is women who bear it. It is the image imposed by society and patriarchal education of having to prepare oneself to seduce and please, of putting one's pleasure after the other even if it means not experiencing orgasm, of worrying above all about the desire of the other, of thinking about contraception or of worrying about sexual health.
Sexual guilt is not limited to health professionals, but also to men who use and abuse emotional blackmail to make their partner understand that she is not fulfilling her "role" properly when she has little desire. No less than 9 out of 10 women also say that they have forced themselves to give in to their partner.
Even in the case of sexual pain, which affects a significant percentage of women. In fact, studies show that 30% of women and people with vaginas experience vaginal pain during penetration, and 72% with anal sex. The price of male pleasure is often paid, and without much consideration, in a woman's pain.
On the other hand, patriarchy contributes to the stereotypes of female sexuality according to which men's libido must be higher than that of women, considered weak. Men would always want sex, while women would have little desire, while studies show that it is often a lack of communication . In the same way that a man who gives free rein to his libido is a good seducer, virile, while a woman who enjoys sex with various partners becomes a slut.
The norm and social pressure require women to be discreet about their relationships, their sexuality, but also their own bodies. Before 2017, there was not even a complete representation of the clitoris in school textbooks , even though it is an organ exclusively dedicated to pleasure. But whether it is sex with a partner or masturbation, women are censored in their desire and pleasure, in the discovery, learning and love of their own body. With such ignorance, they are pushed to normalize the difficulty of finding orgasm, female pleasure reduced to penetration given by a penis.
These are just a few of the ways patriarchy affects women's sexuality and bodies. There are many more! Share your personal experience of how patriarchy affects your sexuality using #idenoncelepatriarcat on Instagram.
