How to treat vaginismus? 4 tips to help you!
Vaginismus is certainly not life-threatening for the person who suffers from it, but it causes pain, difficulties and often disruptions in the life of the person who suffers from it or even in their relationship. Specific devices, lubricants, physiotherapy, psychotherapy or even hypnotherapy, we give you some tips to gradually eliminate the fear of penetration and regain your serenity.
What is vaginismus?
Definition of disorder
The muscles of the pelvic floor can give rise to painful conditions due to muscle spasms. When the muscles of the perineum contract only in anticipation of penetrative intercourse, we speak of vaginismus. This results in anxiety or even a "phobia" of penetration that affects people with vaginas, hence its name. Concretely, each time there is an attempt at penetration, whether by a penis, a sex toy or any other object that is inserted into the vagina (tampon, speculum, probe), the muscles of the pelvic floor contract immediately to prevent any intrusion into the vagina and without the affected person being able to control this contraction. By definition, this phenomenon is involuntary and uncontrollable.
It is called "primary" when it has always existed. It is called "secondary" when it appears after a period where sexual relations have taken place without any difficulty. In all cases, if penetration still takes place, despite the blockage, it will be a source of pain and will further accentuate this defense mechanism and its symptoms. Although it is not extremely common, this disorder is not rare either and affects between 1% and 3% of people with vaginas. However, we believe that this data is incomplete and that in reality this condition affects many more people than it seems!
Causes of the problem
This disorder can have somatic or psychological causes, the existence of involuntary contraction can be the consequence of certain vulvovaginal conditions, but the psychological factor following a conscious or unconscious trauma is often implicated. It is often a defense mechanism that is put in place after badly experienced sexual relations, physical abuse, many years of conditioning one's body to endure discomfort during penetrative sex. Its symptoms can appear after painful intercourse that has caused fear, or in the event of stress related to sexual intercourse itself. It can also be the consequence of sexual abuse or medical examinations experienced as such (such as violence). Its primary form sometimes results from a very strict education regarding sex or psycho-affective disorders.
Do not confuse fear of penetration and…
Vaginal atrophy
Vaginal atrophy is a loss of flexibility and a lack of lubrication of the walls of the vagina. Due to a lack of estrogen, it makes intercourse painful and can cause burning, irritation, and even bleeding during and outside of intimate relations. It can lead to a form of situational vaginismus, but it can be treated with a lubricant, vaginal moisturizer, or specific treatment.
Dyspareunia
Dyspareunia refers to pain felt in the vaginal canal before, during or after sexual intercourse. It is superficial when the pain is felt near the perineum and the entrance to the vagina, in which case it is often referred to as vulvodynia or vestibulodynia. It can also be deep when the pain affects the bottom of the vagina and the lower abdomen. Dyspareunia often has physical causes (infection or inflammation of the vagina, varicose veins in the pelvic floor, endometriosis, gynecological surgery, hormonal imbalance, vestibulitis, fibrous scar tissue, etc.). It can also be of psychological origin. Although it is not the same problem, dyspareunia can cause vaginismus if intercourse is very traumatic.
How to treat vaginismus: 4 tips to implement
1. Talk to a professional
If you suffer from anxiety disorders related to a fear of penetration, it is important to consult a health professional who can support you and find solutions adapted to your situation. You can talk to your doctor, a midwife, your gynecologist, your physiotherapist or even a sexologist. Also consider seeking the advice of an endocrinologist because this disorder sometimes results from a hormonal imbalance.
2. Communicate with your partner
Consulting a midwife, a gynecologist or a sexologist is good, talking about it with your partner is even better! While this disorder is not a serious condition in itself, it can be devastating for your well-being and your relationship. Your partner may have difficulty understanding what is wrong if you do not explain that it is not their fault. The more comfortable you are with this delicate subject, the more likely you are to overcome this difficulty. However, let us remember that satisfactory relationships, particularly in the context of a cis heterosexual couple, are not necessarily conditioned by penetrative sex. A satisfactory sex life can absolutely be built without penetrative sex!
3. Learn to relax your perineal muscles
Vaginismus treatment is often multidisciplinary, but your involvement in the treatment is fundamental. Practice abdominal breathing techniques, even cardiac coherence in order to relax during your intimate relations and to release your pelvic muscles to make penetration pleasant.
On the other hand, there are vaginal dilators specifically designed to learn how to manage muscle relaxation sufficient to enjoy penetration gradually and at your own pace. Remember, if penetration gradually becomes possible, but there is still discomfort, the use of a good water-based lubricant or Ohnut sexual comfort rings are designed to customize the depth of penetration of the penis or sex toy according to your degree of tolerance. Ohnut was specially created to take care of the well-being of people with vaginas during intercourse.
Finally, Kegel exercises or the use of Geisha balls are not recommended, as they can create even more tension in the perineum. We recommend that you consult a perineologist who can teach you how to gradually relax the muscles of your pelvic floor and can also guide you to perform localized stretches that will help you slowly regain control over this mechanism.
4. Consider lubrication when having penetrative sex
Vaginismus is often complicated by the very apprehension of pain. Once you feel ready to resume penetrative intercourse, consider using a natural and organic lubricant preferably, or a silicone-based formula for even greater glide, you will facilitate the sliding of the penis or sex toy in the vagina and thus eliminate friction as well as irritation and burning in the event of vaginal dryness. In treatment of the latter, if it is a source of discomfort, also consider using a vaginal moisturizer .
